We’ve survived his fourth year of life, so it’s probably time to start figuring out what sort of job we’ll be able to find for him in the future. So far, these are the apparent options:
Boss
(or dictator of a small country)
Regardless of what sort of field he works in, it is beginning to seem things are not going to work out well unless he is in charge. He is generally very pleasant, easy going, and probably wouldn’t be bad to work with, except he does nothing except what he wants to do. Generally the things he wants to do are mainly good, so much so that he was nearly three before I even realized how stubborn he was because he rarely wanted anything that was problematic. But, once he decides how things should be or what he is going to do, there is no changing his mind. He doesn’t make a big deal about it. He just doesn’t even consider other options and calmly continues with whatever plan he had in mind to begin with. Reasoning, bribes, punishment . . all of it is completely ineffective. At this point, when he and I don’t agree about what needs to happen or where he needs to be I can just pick him up and physically make him go along with my plan. I realize this isn’t a permanent solution. I’m working on it.
Philanthropist
Lex loves to give presents. He loves giving things away. When flowers are blooming he can’t pass any without stopping to pick some for someone. (He also cannot be convinced that he can’t pick anyone’s flowers at anytime, anywhere we are, and give them to whomever he’d like. This seems to be related to #1 above. We’re working on that part, too.) He likes to give away his toys--new ones he has just received or old favorites. He is always offering his “good stuff” to his friends. Whenever he wants to get himself some food or finds something he’d like to buy in the store, first, he gets one for someone else. Once he’s done that, he goes back for his own.
Bartender
Lex is highly aware of everyone’s favorite beverages. He notices and remembers what everyone around him likes to drink, and also doesn’t like it if you do not always have a drink in your hand. (He’s been doing this for a few years now, and actually less so the last few months because I started to get annoyed with him because of all the beverages always sitting out all over our house.) Despite my lack of enthusiasm for his skill, he still loves to make sure people have what they want and at this point he isn’t even getting any tips!
Dress Code Enforcer
I don’t know if this is a real position in the world somewhere, but it is important to Lex that people have the appropriate dress for the occasion. His focus right now is mainly himself (and me if I’m going somewhere with him), but some days it is very important that he have the appropriate clothing for the situation. All spring he couldn’t leave the house unless he had an orange coat (zipped all the way up) and tennis shoes with “bubble knots” (aka double knots). When at some point in the summer he finally realized it was way too hot to continue wearing his warm orange hoodies and fleeces zipped to the chin, he switched to a water boot and cape routine. Occasionally he would put a shirt on under the cape if he could find one with a perfect picture for whatever mood he was in. Appropriate clothing is very important.
Unless you prefer to wear none at all. It is also equally likely at this point that he’ll be a nudist. Many days he prefers no clothing at all.
Deconstruction Specialist
He wrecks things. All things. And he loves it. He even wrecks things he loves and it doesn’t seem to bother him; he likes the wrecking more than the possession of the things. I really don’t understand this. It took me a few months to realize that the destruction wasn’t collateral damage to some sort of melt down or temper tantrum; it was the goal. He sliced about forty holes in my new couch and stabbed the leather coach and ottoman too. When he reads books he sometimes just randomly rips out pages and starts shredding them into tiny pieces-- same thing with photos. He used one of his big Toy Story toys to smash a few huge holes in the sheetrock; he also smashes things with baseball bats. He doesn’t do these things when he’s mad. For much of the destruction I’m really close by & he’ll just be using a tool appropriately (playing baseball, cutting out shapes for a project...) and then he’ll just suddenly switch and start wrecking something. I think I finally realized that he just really enjoyed it when he came into my office one day with his little arms full of giant rocks and said excitedly, “Hey Mom, look at these rocks! Lets go throw them at our windows!”
The other day I picked him up from school and he was so excited to show me this styrofoam spider he made at school. “Do you really, really like it? Is it really cool?!” After we admired this spider we got in the car to drive home. But the time we got there his spider was a totally smashed pile of pea sized styrofoam. I asked him why he did that and he just said, “I just wanted to wreck it” and ran off to play.
I still find this troubling (especially since it is really rough on my house) but some people pay others a lot of money to blow things up or tear them down. Maybe if I cannot convince him to tools to build things, we’ll just hope he really perfects this demolition thing. (Preferably some time after he moves out of my house.)
Hero
This hero thing is one of his favorites. He’s fearless (unless he must go near dentists or public toilets and their freaky-powerful flushing), strong, and not swayed by crowd opinion, or the difficulty of the situations he finds himself in.
Every couple weeks he changes his mind about what sort of hero he will be. It seems to sort of depend on what the world needs at the moment. This seems to be a pretty good quality for a hero.
Also, he really likes capes.
Maybe this one will stick.
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